The Glory of Living: Another Navelgaze!

I’m writing this on Balestrand while I wait for my ferry on to Bergen, and oh man fellas, Sognefjord and fjord country in general is stunning. Much to share when I get caught up, but for now, without stable wifi, we’re a few days away from that, with all the photos and videos that it'd entail. So instead, a quick just-thinkin’ post about meeeeeeeeeee (a human person and author of this blog). Specifically: how I am in the world in different contexts! Wow how interesting click through if you want to read about this very thrilling and interesting topic, what a wild ride we are in for I am certain of it.

Something I’ve noticed on this trip is how physically variable I am depending on my surrounding context (environment?). I’m rarely a total sloth – okay, once every couple of weeks if I’ve had an all-day hike or accidentally climbed a mountain or in some other way stupidly overexerted myself – but there’s a heightened state of being that I only sometimes hit. Something more than the usual “in Rome I’m a fast-walking, alert cosmopolitan dude, but in the countryside I lope around smelling daisies all the frig dang day!” nonsense. It's something to how I carry myself and project into the world, and it's not something I've thought consciously about until this trip.

I noticed it first in Berlin at the Volkstheater. It was the first theatre I visited here that felt contemporary and I found myself sitting upright, craning my neck to take in the audience around me. I suddenly realized: this is what I’m like when I’m at the theatre in Chicago, expecting to see friends and colleagues from the scene there. And given the Volkstheater’s design and relatively youthful audience, somehow all that had sparked back into being.

A couple of weeks later, chatting with my friend Sarah and her friends at the Scottish Youth Theatre, I found myself stretching and bouncing, shifting weight and generally moving as though I expected to jump into a rehearsal or something at any moment. The same thing recurred later in the week when hanging with a group of friends ‘n’ lovelies at the Edinburgh Fringe. Something about the context –theatre folk, creative and open and friendly – apparently signaled my body that it was time to work, to get loose and to get fun.

I’ve missed that – particularly after this last year, having been in a lot of unfriendly (or at best indifferent) social settings, it feels like I’m starting to rediscover what it feels like to be in an environment where I expect to be met with collaboration, with excitement, with that uptick of energy and gameness that I’m so used to finding out there. And of course, a lot of it was me - wrestling with anxiety and depression doesn't exactly prime you to look for (or project) the kind of openness and energy that hopefully meets its match when you put it out there.

And man, that is where I’m ready to spend a lot more time as I return to the States. Seeking out the people and environments that hum with that energy of “let’s make something together,” that don’t default to wary distance. And putting that energy out into the world as much as I can, regardless of my surrounding context. I’m excited to get there and to find that sweet, sweet newness!