Past is Prologue: Flashbackery and Foreshadowry

I'm having a bit of a blinders-on week in these parts, pushing to get another chapter of the dissertation off to my advisor before spring break kicks in. (In that sense, pretty excited for the oncoming blizzard, a nice cue to keep burrowing until the task at hand is complete.) But after my last post, my folks dug up photos from my long-ago church trip to France and family trip to London... and since I'll cap this week with another trek to those once-upon-a-time destinations, thought I'd use this space to post a bunch o' them shots. Sort of a "previously on/coming attractions" geegaw. Coming up: the extreme style of the late '90s and early '00s!

A subset of the fam, bein' all British in Britland.

While emphasizing that this was taken in 1998, I have no excuse as to the rest of my tremendously catastrophic fashion choices. On the other hand, Eiffel Tower! A landmark that I did not, come to think of it, revisit when I went back a little over a decade later.

The "lousy teenager" contingent of the gospel choir (possibly including college students? At least one of these cats is way older than yers truly!) with some of us (me included) attempting to be too cool for school in the French countryside. It's as true now as it was then: trying to look cool while exploring is a good sign that you are doing it wrong.

OK, I actually love this photo, also from that trip. My shoes are on the excessively patient shoulders of one of our "responsible" trip leaders, and one of the assigned drivers for the trip, then in his residency (I think?) to be a doctor. Conversations with him (a) taught me at least in theory how to drive stick shift, (b) convinced me never to become a doctor ever, not even a dermatologist, not never, and (c) left me with some truly spectacular stories of relationship drama. He was an extremely cool dude and I am impressed at myself for being such a jerk to him in this picture. Yeesh.

Back to England in '03... My parents, as lovely and loving as ever. I still can't get over all they've done for me, trips aside. It's kind of remarkable how much you take away from your folks, and how impossible it seems to ever thank them properly for all they've given you. (ESPECIALLY when they keep giving you new examples of grace and kindness and optimism and generosity well into your mid 30s! Rude.)

Family default, here in Stratford-upon-Avon, is sitting around a table, laughing and/or annoyed. Dad's not in this because he's taking a picture or POTENTIALLY because he got swallowed up by the wallpaper that rustled and murmured with the voices of those who had come before us.

Siblingssss. It's funny. 2003 was right in the heat of sibling grumpiness, I feel - taking turns being angsty, trying to carve out our own identities, variously fed up with each other or being jerks to each other. (Chris was always the exception, or else found ways to be extremely subtle in expressing how irritated he was by the rest of us.) During this fall's Konmari process, I came across a journal I'd kept from this trip, and was surprised at how distant I had felt from my siblings, especially my younger ones, at this time. It made me grateful all over again for how the long art of family relationships can teach you the ebb and flow of it all. How anger and pride and hurt feelings gain perspective and shading with time, and the common bonds grow stronger over the years - if you let it, and if you are mindful. I feel incredibly lucky that we've all grown closer in the intervening years, to know that each of them has my back (and I theirs), and that we're sharing our lives more now than we were then. I was not a patient dude in 2003. But I'm lucky to be reaping the benefits of what patience can bring.

That's enough of that for now. As I say, the longer I live, on my smarter days, gratitude gets more and more central to my world. And when I remember that - when I take a second to take stock of the thousand miracles of kindness and generosity that have shaped my life to this point - it gets a lot easier to face an uncertain and often-changing future with a sense of hope, openness, and generosity.

And to that end: g'bye til this chapter is done! Hope to have a little something on London in this space next week, and thereafter, Paris! And thereafter, figuring out what the next wave of events will bring! Exclamation points!!