It's been kind of... hot, this week? In Chicago? As in, thermostat temps near 100 and humidity driving the "feels like" temps higher. Friday into Saturday's overnight was apparently a record high for overnight lows. And, because I am still a stubborn old cuss, I ain't got no air conditioning. (The reasoning? It's a li'l bit environmental-conservationism and a li'l bit just dumb insistence: "if I didn't need AC in Croatia when it was 100, I should be able to survive this.")
And hey: my brain basically doesn't function in that heat. Anything over 80 and it's just a rough go of it for yr sweaty fella. As recently as a few years ago, this would have been cause for great misery and gnashing of teeth (for me and, by extension, everyone around me). This year, though: it was basically fine? Partly we can chalk that up to changing circumstances; it's a lot easier to say goodbye to your brain for a few days if you're not working on a dissertation. Part of it, too, is informed by history: I may be a dumdum mule pretending that travel in the Balkans during a heat wave should be replicable in my own dang home. But I think the biggest thing this feels like is a confirmation that, yessir, we're a-growin'.
Whatever you want to call it (calm, zen, ambivalence, catatonic emotional aphasia brought on by heat), this heat, like other things that used to dig deep, just... was. It rolled off without torquing into my brain, and if I wasn't happy about it (and if I was elated at today's practically autumnal-feeling return of 70-degree weather) I just kind of took it in stride. And that's a small thing, but also a good thing! Being able to just quietly accept that these days are gonna roll differently, that I might be less capable, that I might have a harder go of it, and just continue to be in the moment and be patient for it to pass... well, that's nice, you jerks!!!
So, add it to the pile of those things which once unmoored me and now just are what they are. It's nice, this stage of life. And while I still have hungers and dissatisfactions (we are hip-deep on job hunting because it would be nice to be in a perch that feels like a home and not a waystation on that front) this is a lot closer to where I live now. And I'm, y'know, boringly grateful for it!
Up next: more Mexico City! And then, if I can even find the footage/photos: Los Angeles! And New England! And then whatever I've been up to this summer, the great mysteries of life roll on and on!
