After the jump: non-travel-related blorps about what it's like getting back into the land of theatre after six years away. Mexico City and New England are coming soon, I promise I promise.
At the start of this month (still this month?? June has been nuts) I closed my first production as an actor since the summer of 2013. For all you math-heads out there, that's a solid six-year stretch of rust and forgetfulness to wrassle with. Fun and cool and chill and neat!
Some of those muscles weren't totally dormant. I've been recording a role for a (very fun) narrative podcast for the past year and change, which has been a delightful and new experience, focusing me on vocal performance and the fun of performing when you can just give things a second shot when they misfire the first time. And between 2013-2019, I had a handful of staged readings or workshops that gave me chances to pretend to be other people in front of different other people. But the full-production process... well, it was a series of awakenings.
Basically every stage of the process involved a moment of realizing "Oh, right, that's how you be an actor." Bring a three-ring binder to first rehearsal! Right, yes, good, I'll remember that. Ahhh, different colored highlighters for stage directions and dialogue. Got it, right. Getting off book! Did I ever have a technique for this? I don't remember having a technique for this. Up to the closing night ("oh that's one of the stretches I always used to do in my preshow warmup!") this was a journey of rediscovering things I used to know/do intuitively. That's kinda fun! And I was mega-grateful to do so in the company of one of my favorite directors and closest friends, which helped the room feel safe and supportive.
This was good because ha ha yr humble narrator had some significant anxiety buried in there! Can you even believe it wow. This mostly manifested in second-guessing myself through the rehearsal process, never sure if what felt like solid work was a sign that I was on the right track or that I was stagnating, locking into choices too early. During tech and the early part of the run, it became a more existential "should I even be doing this, am I part of the cast or just doing my own thing?" The structure of the show (I was onstage most of the time, by myself for most of the last 20 minutes or so) lent itself well to these anxieties! "Hey, come back to the stage, in a central role that leaves you on your own with super heightened language for most of the show!" Look, I know how this sounds: and I am grateful more than anything, but in the anxiety-pit, all the exciting potential of the role/show heightened the stress of the whole situation.
AND YET! It was a super lovely process that reminded me why I like this work, and why it's probably essential to keep some form of it in my life. Getting to play, to do the work and then show up and see what sticks and what has to be set on fire, activates the part of my brain that embraces risk and failure and laughs instantly when things fall apart. Building dumb backstage jokes with castmates, finding the rhythm of scenes onstage and backstage, sharing stories and journeys with each other. The show was reasonably well-received; a couple reviews that loved it/me/us, a couple that were mixed, none that felt like we were a catastrophe. Friends came to see it, we talked about it afterwards over drinks. It all felt good, getting back home to the things that make me happy and relaxed.
So, we'll see what happens next! I'm in the midst of getting new headshots and submitting for things, in the hopes that I can rebuild something of the life I had pre-grad-school, where the day job balances with artistically fulfilling work. In this, as in basically every other corner of my life, 2019 is really shaping up to be The Year Of Getting My Act Together. And it feels: very good!
